You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You pole danced in your parka.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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