Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
