I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
