I showed him my bush... on skype.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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