Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
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I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
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I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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