I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
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the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
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I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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