So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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