break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
