This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
