he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
