I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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