i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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