Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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