girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
