I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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