im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
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I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
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Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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