Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
