Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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