Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize