She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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