Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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