Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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