you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize