i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize