Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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