I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm going to jail i love you
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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