What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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