a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs