Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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