North Korea, Best Korea!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.