she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?