I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have aggressive nipples.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.