True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.