thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
