fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
