Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
