hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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