Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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