oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
