I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
