I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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