This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
