That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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