I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
