i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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