dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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