so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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