dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
