dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
worst night to have a conscience
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.