Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.