why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.