Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.