My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What a dumb baby whore.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
