i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
