I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
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This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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