im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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