you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
